Looking for how to increase libido? Discover how psychological, emotional, and relationship factors impact your desire. Our expert-led, holistic guide provides evidence-based strategies to help you navigate low mood, stress, and reconnect with pleasure.
Hello, and thank you for reaching out. Please know that you are not alone in feeling this way. It is completely normal for libido to fluctuate, and I want to validate how challenging and frustrating it can feel when your desire or pleasure isn’t where you want it to be.
As a therapist, I look at libido not as a broken part of you, but as a sensitive gauge that reacts to everything happening in your life—your mind, your emotions, your relationships, and your habits. When we experience low desire, it is often our body’s way of signaling that something in that “internal ecosystem” needs attention.
To help you understand what might be contributing to this, here is a compassionate look at why this happens and how we can start to shift it.
Why Libido Takes a Backseat
Often, sexual desire is muffled by one or more of these common, interconnected factors:
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Emotional & Mental Well-being: When we are carrying the heavy load of stress, anxiety, or symptoms of depression, our brain often shifts into “survival mode.” This drains the energy and motivation needed for sexual desire.
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Self-Perception & Beliefs: Sometimes, negative feelings about our bodies or internalized cultural or religious messages that frame sex as shameful can create a barrier to feeling free and present in our own pleasure.
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Relationship Dynamics: Our desire is deeply connected to how we feel with our partner. When there is unresolved conflict, a lack of emotional closeness, or even a breakdown in how we communicate our needs, it is very common for physical desire to fade.
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Habits & Patterns: Sometimes, we unintentionally create patterns that dampen desire—such as using sex only for specific obligations, relying on distractions, or falling into routines that lack the excitement or novelty our brains crave
How We Can Move Forward
The good news is that these are patterns, not permanent states. Here are some evidence-based ways to begin exploring your pleasure again:
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Release the Pressure: Performance anxiety—the worry about “performing” or having to reach a certain peak—is a major pleasure-killer. Techniques like mindfulness or sensate focus (which is about non-pressured, exploratory touch) can help you reconnect with your body and rebuild pleasure from the ground up.
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Reframing Thoughts: If you have developed negative narratives about sex or your body, working with a therapist on cognitive restructuring can help quiet that “inner critic” so you can be fully present.
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Communication: If you are in a relationship, opening up about these feelings—without the pressure to “fix” it immediately—can often break cycles of avoidance and resentment.
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Holistic Care: Because physical and mental health are linked, it is always a wonderful idea to screen for any underlying mood or health issues with a healthcare provider, as treating those can often naturally reignite your libido.
You deserve to experience pleasure and feel comfortable in your own skin. This is a journey, and you don’t have to figure it all out at once.
How to increase libido? Emotional Support Through Bach Flower Remedies
When navigating low libido, we often find that our emotions—stress, past conditioning, or relationship dynamics—are the true “bottlenecks” to pleasure. Many clients find that Bach flower remedies serve as a gentle, natural way to help shift these underlying emotional states, creating space for intimacy to return naturally.
These are not “cures” for low libido, but rather tools to help you reconnect with your inner balance.
1. For Overload & Depletion (When stress or exhaustion kills the mood)
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Elm: For when you feel overwhelmed by the sheer weight of your responsibilities.
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Oak: For the “over-doer” who pushes through exhaustion until they have nothing left for themselves.
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Mustard: For those sudden, heavy clouds of gloom or feeling “low” without a clear reason.
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Olive: For when you feel completely drained—mentally and physically—by life’s demands.
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Try the Overload & Restore’blend: Elm + Oak + Mustard + Olive.
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2. For Self-Worth & Internal Barriers (When shame or guilt gets in the way)
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Crab Apple: For when you feel unhappy with your body or sense a need to “cleanse” feelings of being flawed.
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Pine: For letting go of self-reproach or the feeling that you are “doing it wrong”.
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Agrimony: For those who hide their inner worry behind a smile but are ready to face their truth.
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Walnut: For protecting yourself from outside pressures, cultural expectations, or old conditioning.
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Try the Inner Worth & Acceptance blend: Crab Apple + Pine + Agrimony + Walnut.
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3. For Relationship Harmony (When communication or distance is a block)
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Holly: For moving past resentment, anger, or suspicion to allow genuine warmth back in.
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Water Violet: For when you feel “stuck” in a shell and have trouble letting your partner in.
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Beech: For softening the cycle of constant criticism or intolerance that erodes your bond.
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Heather: For shifting from self-focus toward a more mutual, connected way of sharing.
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Try the Close & Connected blend: Holly + Water Violet + Beech + Heather.
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4. For Breaking Old Patterns (When sex has become a chore)
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Chestnut Bud: For finally learning from past cycles so you don’t keep repeating the same mistakes.
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Clematis: For staying grounded and present, rather than “drifting away” during intimacy.
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Wild Rose: For rekindling the spark and moving past a sense of passive resignation.
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Honeysuckle: For letting go of old emotional scripts and living in the present.
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Try the Spark & Presence blend: Chestnut Bud + Clematis + Wild Rose + Honeysuckle.
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